A very rich man summoned his three sons to his bedroom one day (but not in a sexual way). The first of the sons was a priest, the second was a car salesman, and the third, a lawyer. The rich man said to them,
“My sons, I will give you each a million dollars. I want you to take this money and use it to do good for the world. Come back to me in a year and let me know what you have done.”
After one year, the three sons returned to the rich man. The rich man said to his sons,
“Now, my sons, tell me what good you have done with the $1 million I gave you. Let’s start with you, Kevin.” The first son, the priest, said proudly,
“Father, I have used the money to build an orphanage for attractive underprivileged children with autoimmune diseases in Nigeria.” The rich man asked,
“Is that all, Kevin?” The priest was silent, but he soon confessed,
“No, Father. I have not been with a woman for years after committing myself to serving the Lord, and I just could not bear the loneliness anymore. I used $500,000 of the money you gave me to buy myself sexy new sports cars so I could get myself a sexy new girlfriend. I am so sorry.” The rich man nodded understandingly and said,
“That is understandable. Sometimes, you just have to take a shot at getting a sexy new girlfriend, and that is an endeavor that requires a sizable investment. I was too stupid to realize that such an investment was required to get a sexy new girlfriend, so I ended up marrying your mother. By the way, you haven’t molested any children, have you?” Taken aback, the priest replied,
“No, Father, I have not. Why would you ask such a question?” The rich man said,
“Just checking.” The rich man then turned to his second son, the car salesman, and said, “Doofy, how about you? What have you done with the money I gave you?” The car salesman son boasted,
“Father, I have built a library for blind children in Nigeria.” The rich man asked,
“A library? Like, a braille library?” Doofy replied,
“No, like a normal library.”
“O…kay. Good start, good start. Now, is there something else want to tell me?” Doofy was quiet for a while, but soon, his eyes welled his tears. He began to sob,
“I am so sorry, Father. I have been addicted to cocaine for the past decade, and I have been snorting a lot of it. Like, seriously, a lot of it. A crazy lot. I have done so much cocaine. It’s really, really bad. I don’t know why, but I just can’t control myself. All my years of selling cars just really makes me want to do it for some reason. It’s like there is some powerful, evil, cocaine-loving creature inside of me that–” The rich man interrupted,
“Okay, I’m going to stop you right there. I really just want to know whether you used any of the money I gave you for yourself.” The car salesman wiped his tears and replied,
“Ah, right. In that case, yes, I used $500,000 of it to buy myself sexy new sports cars to compensate for my inadequate nether regions.” The rich man nodded understandingly and said,
“As your father and shower buddy, I have seen your nether regions many times. I completely understand why you would want to do that. Here, take another million dollars to buy more sexy new sports cars. You will need them.” The rich man then turned to the third son, the lawyer, but before he could say anything, the lawyer snapped angrily at his brothers,
“You two are unbelievable. Our father clearly said to take the million dollars and go do good for the world, yet you both took half of the money for yourselves to buy some stupid sports cars, and you have the gall to come back here and pretend like you are good people! What would our dead mother think if she were here to see this? You should be ashamed of yourselves!!”
The room fell silent. After several awkward minutes, the rich man asked his lawyer son,
“Craig, what did you use the money for?” Craig the lawyer replied,
“I spent it all on lottery tickets.”
The end