I like dogs a lot, but Jesus Christ they do a lot of really weird things. They bark at each other, sniff each other’s butts, sniff people’s butts, sniff their own butts, eat their own poop, and lick people’s faces.
What most people don’t realize is that this is how dogs communicate. Dogs are pack animals, which means they get depressed when they’re left on their own, so they tend to form groups to feel better about themselves. And any time there are there is a group, like a failing startup company, a failing political party, a team of car salesmen, or a failing TV sitcom, communication becomes very important.
So what exactly are dogs trying to communicate when they do all their weird doggy things? Have you ever wondered about this? Neither have I, but the other night, I was really annoyed because I wanted to go to sleep but my neighbor’s dog was being an annoying little piece of shit. It was 3:00 in the morning, but the thing was yapping continuously for no reason. That kind of noise is only justified during a mugging or a murder, and neither one of those things was happening as far as I could tell. I couldn’t possibly care any less about what was going through the drop-kick dog’s tiny little mutt brain, but I did want it to stop complaining about nothing.
Oh and while I’m at it, what is with people who talk on their cellphones at the library? I asked a guy to get off his phone at the library once because I was trying to do quiet things that matter, and he had the nerve to ask me to mind my own business. Dude, that’s exactly what I was trying to do. It’s just really hard to mind my own business when you’re yammering at max volume about how great your favorite sportsball team is. UGH.
So in conclusion, there are some terrible, awful people out there, and there is nothing we can do about it.
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